I'm headed back to Calgary in two days! While July has been awesome, I'm really looking forward to hanging out with my friends and spending a little quality time with my mom. Ohio, you've been good to me...and here's what I've noticed over the past week:

5. Hugging. So. Much. Hugging. I am slowly coming to terms with this. Americans like to hug. I’m not a hugger. I like to save my hugs for people I really like. At first, hugging of people I’d just met, or had only interacted with on a few occasions made me quite uncomfortable. My current policy is to just awkwardly ask, “Is this a hugging moment?” because the surprise hug is the worst. That’s how you accidentally end up kissing someone on the lips instead of cheek-to-cheek.

4. I have eaten ribs from a stand. The Jazz and Ribs Festival hits Columbus for one weekend at the end of July. Rib aficionados from all over bring their medals, trophies and sauce mops (they have mini mops that they use for smothering the ribs in sauce while they cook). IT IS A VERY INTERESTING CROWD. Truly, it was a good experience, although I can’t help but wonder how anyone gets into the rib competition circuit. It seems like a tough way to spend your summer. Highlight: the girl in short-shorts that took our order was stumped at having to add the price of 2 of the same meals together. They were whole numbers.

3. Canada is light years ahead on granola bars.

2. America only uses the Imperial system. I can respect that, because my people waver back and forth. Kilometres for distance, inches for height…stop sitting on the fence Canada! I feel it should be noted though that when America dumped all that tea out in the Boston harbor, they should have gone metric. It should also be noted that I can’t figure out how to order deli meat in pounds. It makes no sense.

1. I have entered the creepy subterranean storage space! Yes, it’s true. I’m not a fan of the dark. It’s not the dark so much as the possibility of the paranormal. I’m pretty tough about things until I think a ghost with bad hair is going to crawl out of my television. Anyway, I had to put the bikes in the storage space before going back to Calgary and I figured broad daylight was the best time to do it. I made it out alive, but I can see why people think spaces like that are totally legit to hide dead bodies. No one has been in there for years. Gross!

How many times does the word “hug” appear in this post? Answer correctly and you’ll get a free hug!

Waking up to the wrong song is the morning equivalent to getting rained on after a crummy day at the office. Growing up, I kept my trusty alarm clock tuned into CBC just to avoid the chance of waking up to Celine Dion. My alarm currently goes off at 4:40am. Beeping, buzzing and ringing tones don't improve my mood. In hopes of making waking up in the middle of the night slightly more pleasant, here are my top 5 songs to wake up to:

5. Van Halen - Jump

I get up...and nothing gets me down...

The splits, overhead jazz hands and a hair toss is generally my morning routine, so I really feel I connect with David Lee Roth on this one. 

4. Katrina and the Waves - Walking on Sunshine 

I'm walking on sunshine, whoa-oh...and don't it feel good!

Positive reinforcement people. You tell yourself it feels good until it does. Works every time.

Check out the vid here. Also: I like her dancing. It is how I dance. I prefer to think of it as an expression of joy...not so much a slave to the beat. 

3. James Brown - Get up offa that thing

Get up offa that thing and dance 'til you feel better.

If the shriek at the beginning doesn't scare you out of bed, the man TELLS YOU WHAT YOU NEED TO DO.

2. Jay-Z vs The Verve - Bittersweet Dirt Off your Shoulder

You gotta get that dirt off your shoulder.

With this as the soundtrack to your morning, your day will be a sweeping slow-motion epic. Go win something. 

1. Dolly Parton

I tumble outta bed and stumble to the kitchen, pour myself a cup of ambition

Dolly, you're a day-maker.

5. Let’s cut to the chase. Three weeks in and I’ve finally made it to a state-run liquor store. Hello, gin. My first trip involved a mild cash-only crisis, but DC stepped in and valiantly offered up a Hamilton to ensure gin-fueled productivity this weekend. He’s a baller, there’s no doubt.

4. Have a mentioned I’m a bit of a loner? My mother worries about me not knowing anyone here. “Are you lonely?” she says when she calls. I almost feel guilty when I tell her I love working by myself all day.

3. I have an uncomfortable obsession with finger toes. Toes that can act like fingers. Mine cant. My second and third toe are stuck together like glue and I have deformed baby toes (I presume because I was born with extra toes). I want my toes to be able to do great things, to achieve great heights. I’m working on a work out regime.  

2. Columbus is the birthplace of the junior bacon cheeseburger.

1. Doctors work long hours. If you thought different, I’m here to set you straight. They start work at 5:30am. Which is mother truckin’ early. However, I’m pretty sure if things get desperate and I need to write a book titled, “How to land your very own Doctor” I’ve got some ideas. They mostly revolve around standing around the hospital at 5:20am with fresh coffee and homemade muffins. Key to the heart ladies, key to the heart.

The rest is as you’d expect. I’ve booked a ridiculous number of flights this week and hope to see you all when I hit your town. Huggles.

Would anyone be interested in a GirlGeekLunch at noon on Wednesday Aug. 4th?

I've been wanting to get GirlGeekDinners going for quite a while now, without much success. Too much travel!

However, I will be in town the first week of August and thought it would be a great opportunity to connect with some of the great women we have in the #yyc community. 

We can make it pretty casual - just come and eat. Together. Preferably on a patio. If anyone is interested in taking on organizing GirlGeekDinners, I'd give them some more information. I'm also happy to talk about anything else, whether it's something you're excited about, or something you need help with.

Let me know 1) if you'd be interested, 2) how we can squeeze the most into a lunch hour so it's valuable to you and 3) where you think we should eat.

I can't not share this. It is too amazing.

I guess you know where your cat will be in September, as well. Hangin' with Agnes Thomas, communicating telepathically and what not. 

Columbus is home to my favorite person in the world. Jeni. You haven’t heard of her before because I’ve just been introduced, but she instantly won my heart. She makes THE MOST DELICIOUS ICE CREAM EVER. Ben & Jerry’s ain’t bad, but to be honest, they’re a little out-of-date. Who eat Rocky Road any more? Jeni’s Ice Cream, a Columbus treat, has the most delectable flavors, all made with love. Take a moment to peruse the flavor list and dare to prove me wrong.

My observations for the week are as follows:

5. American Girls need to work on their sporting event viewing etiquette. It is ok to not be interested in the game. It is not ok to talk loudly about which blond, vapid quasi-celebrity is better when you are sitting right in front of the television. It is not ok to yell like a trucker over a game you clearly don’t understand. It makes you look both rude and stupid. If you can’t look polite and smart, you should at least strive for one, in my opinion.

4. American Squirrels have no fear. I am taking them all to Canada for wilderness training. Those that survive will thank me. I suspect the owls/coyotes of Canada will thank me as well.

3. It only rains angry in Columbus. There are no gentle showers, no sweet summer mists, just sudden, sharp downpours unleashed without notice. I regret leaving windows open and hopefully have learned from this mistake.

2. I have several unwavering loves. These include, but are not limited to: sparkles, unicorns, Kylie, fluorescent, impractical shoes and bad action movies. When meeting new people, it is best to keep all – or at least some – of these loves under wraps. I prefer thinking of this not as lying, but more leaving something for them to discover at a future date. Much like unpeeling the layers of an onion, which is a phrase I’ve never understood because why on earth would you ever want to unpeel an onion?

1. Ohio has an interesting relationship with booze. You can buy beer and wine anywhere. You can only buy hard alcohol from state-run liquor stores. These aren’t open on Sunday. However, you CAN buy weird, bootleg alcohol at the grocery store. Apparently it is 40-proof instead of 80-proof. In theory, this seems good to me. On a hot, summer’s day you could consume twice as many gin & tonics (air conditioning in a glass, you know) without getting shmammered. In practice, weird, bootleg alcohol tastes bad.

This week also included my first weekday lunch date. I am making friends. No big deal. 

I have a new fear. Cicadas. I have an old fear about waking up next to Jon Secada, but that's a different story. This new fear is that I will  wake up to a cicada buzzing in my ear and then something similar to Commander Chekov's fate in Wrath of Khan happens. Gross! Anyway, this all could have been avoided had I not asked what the weird loud buzzing noise outside our apartment was. I've noted this for next time.

I realize that I left Calgary more than a week ago, but a post about the drive down here would have been short. Corn fields, oil derricks, corn fields, fancy windmill farms, corn fields, highlight: possibly a real transformer, corn fields.

We spent a few days with DC's parents, starting with a sky diving adventure. When I say sky diving adventure, I mean everyone else watched DC's mom jump out of a plane. This is the day I first heard the term airgasm. I'm fairly confident it will be the only time I hear the term airgasm.

I totally geeked out at the thought of going to Taliesin, which ended up being way more interesting than I'd hoped, but for different reasons than I expected. Aside from the being-a-complete-dick part, I now completely relate to FLLW. The dude was a visionary, but lacked some serious attention-to-details skills. He also seemed to love the outdoors, nature and how beautiful everything nature has to offer is, but was really into getting paid. I dig that, too.

Arriving in Columbus, I realize there are a lot of similarities to Calgary. I was trading in one medium-sized city for another with more heat. One can't complain. Here's my Top 5 list on what Columbus has given me in the first week of being a resident:

5. The girls of Columbus love the maxi-dress. I mean, I know it's a thing right now, but I doubt many girls own anything other than the maxi dress. I do not own a maxi-dress. Mostly because it reminds me of the word maxi-pad and I don't want any part of a wardrobe choice that correlates the two. No ma'am.

4. Canada must hate Mexico. This is the only explanation I have for there being a complete absence of burritos in my hometown. They are so delicious, why do Calgarians go without? Racism. That's why. Well let it be known that I would like to change that and as long as my Mexican friends are extending their arms full of burritos, I welcome them.

3. No man should go without an air conditioner. 

2. Drive-thru beer stores are brilliant. I don't know who thought of this, since you aren't supposed to consume beer while driving, but when you are late for your friend's weekend bbq and forgot you still need to pick up a quick six, America has a solution! Just drive up, order what you want and they will even ask if you want it up front with you. MAGIC!

1. In Canada, we celebrate Canada day with bbq, fireworks and Blue Rodeo. In America, they celebrate Independence day with bbq, fireworks and men crushing beers on the sidewalk in star-spangled sleeveless polo shirts.