Chuck Klosterman is a genius jerk

Well, I finally cracked open Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs. I realize I’m a little behind on my reading but there are only so many hours in a day. I hate those people that are always on top of ALL the latest books, music, movies and fashion. Stop showing off and just pick one, gosh darn it all, you’re making the rest of us look bad. 

Actually, Chuck Klosterman is making the rest of us look bad. He takes every thought I’ve had (that I thought I was having because I am really smart, unique and self-aware) and puts it into writing, in a far more eloquent and humourous way than I ever could. 

I find myself unable to put the book down in the same way that I keep reading – I enjoy torturing myself. I am not content with being blissfully unaware and continually take pride in the fact that I am “too smart to ever really be happy.” Thanks to Chuck Klosterman, not only am I doomed to be perpetually unhappy, but now I can’t ignore the fact that I’m not smart enough to actually come up with anything groundbreaking or original either. 

If over the next week or two, I have some sort of existential crisis and need countless hours of therapy, I’m sending Chuck Klosterman the bill. 

ps I think I like typing out Chuck Klosterman almost as much as I like saying it. That guy has a great name.

pps I think Chuck Klosterman got the whole blaming John Cusack thing wrong: I don’t want to date Lloyd Dobler*. I want a Lloyd Dobler MOMENT. That’s all. If I’m going to invest serious time into someone, building a life with them, I just want some sort of sign that they are willing to make an ass of themselves in an endearing way for my love. 

When I was younger, perhaps I thought some perfect archetype would come along and if I just tried hard enough at being my own perfect archetype, we’d meet, it would be magic and my life-as-a-couple would be happily ever after. Now, I’m far more excited by the possibility of meeting someone great (not perfect) and being a team – fighting for what you love and helping each other be better every day (well, maybe not everyday, maybe Sundays a really, really great team would help each other be completely mediocre — or strive for gold medals in lounging, whatever). 

*I get that it is monumentally embarrassing that I just had In your Eyes as my Song lyrics o’ the day THE WEEK BEFORE I read this book. Oh! The shame!