I have a new fear. Cicadas. I have an old fear about waking up next to Jon Secada, but that’s a different story. This new fear is that I will  wake up to a cicada buzzing in my ear and then something similar to Commander Chekov’s fate in Wrath of Khan happens. Gross! Anyway, this all could have been avoided had I not asked what the weird loud buzzing noise outside our apartment was. I’ve noted this for next time.

I realize that I left Calgary more than a week ago, but a post about the drive down here would have been short. Corn fields, oil derricks, corn fields, fancy windmill farms, corn fields, highlight: possibly a real transformer, corn fields.

Possibly a real transformer

We spent a few days with DC’s parents, starting with a sky diving adventure. When I say sky diving adventure, I mean everyone else watched DC’s mom jump out of a plane. This is the day I first heard the term airgasm. I’m fairly confident it will be the only time I hear the term airgasm.

I totally geeked out at the thought of going to Taliesin, which ended up being way more interesting than I’d hoped, but for different reasons than I expected. Aside from the being-a-complete-dick part, I now completely relate to FLLW. The dude was a visionary, but lacked some serious attention-to-details skills. He also seemed to love the outdoors, nature and how beautiful everything nature has to offer is, but was really into getting paid. I dig that, too.

Arriving in Columbus, I realize there are a lot of similarities to Calgary. I was trading in one medium-sized city for another with more heat. One can’t complain. Here’s my Top 5 list on what Columbus has given me in the first week of being a resident:

5. The girls of Columbus love the maxi-dress. I mean, I know it’s a thing right now, but I doubt many girls own anything other than the maxi dress. I do not own a maxi-dress. Mostly because it reminds me of the word maxi-pad and I don’t want any part of a wardrobe choice that correlates the two. No ma’am.

4. Canada must hate Mexico. This is the only explanation I have for there being a complete absence of burritos in my hometown. They are so delicious, why do Calgarians go without? Racism. That’s why. Well let it be known that I would like to change that and as long as my Mexican friends are extending their arms full of burritos, I welcome them.

3. No man should go without an air conditioner. 

2. Drive-thru beer stores are brilliant. I don’t know who thought of this, since you aren’t supposed to consume beer while driving, but when you are late for your friend’s weekend bbq and forgot you still need to pick up a quick six, America has a solution! Just drive up, order what you want and they will even ask if you want it up front with you. MAGIC!

1. In Canada, we celebrate Canada day with bbq, fireworks and Blue Rodeo. In America, they celebrate Independence day with bbq, fireworks and men crushing beers on the sidewalk in star-spangled sleeveless polo shirts.