Columbus is home to my favorite person in the world. Jeni. You haven’t heard of her before because I’ve just been introduced, but she instantly won my heart. She makes THE MOST DELICIOUS ICE CREAM EVER. Ben & Jerry’s ain’t bad, but to be honest, they’re a little out-of-date. Who eat Rocky Road any more? Jeni’s Ice Cream, a Columbus treat, has the most delectable flavors, all made with love. Take a moment to peruse the flavor list and dare to prove me wrong.

My observations for the week are as follows:

5. American Girls need to work on their sporting event viewing etiquette. It is ok to not be interested in the game. It is not ok to talk loudly about which blond, vapid quasi-celebrity is better when you are sitting right in front of the television. It is not ok to yell like a trucker over a game you clearly don’t understand. It makes you look both rude and stupid. If you can’t look polite and smart, you should at least strive for one, in my opinion.

4. American Squirrels have no fear. I am taking them all to Canada for wilderness training. Those that survive will thank me. I suspect the owls/coyotes of Canada will thank me as well.

3. It only rains angry in Columbus. There are no gentle showers, no sweet summer mists, just sudden, sharp downpours unleashed without notice. I regret leaving windows open and hopefully have learned from this mistake.

2. I have several unwavering loves. These include, but are not limited to: sparkles, unicorns, Kylie, fluorescent, impractical shoes and bad action movies. When meeting new people, it is best to keep all – or at least some – of these loves under wraps. I prefer thinking of this not as lying, but more leaving something for them to discover at a future date. Much like unpeeling the layers of an onion, which is a phrase I’ve never understood because why on earth would you ever want to unpeel an onion?

1. Ohio has an interesting relationship with booze. You can buy beer and wine anywhere. You can only buy hard alcohol from state-run liquor stores. These aren’t open on Sunday. However, you CAN buy weird, bootleg alcohol at the grocery store. Apparently it is 40-proof instead of 80-proof. In theory, this seems good to me. On a hot, summer’s day you could consume twice as many gin & tonics (air conditioning in a glass, you know) without getting shmammered. In practice, weird, bootleg alcohol tastes bad.

This week also included my first weekday lunch date. I am making friends. No big deal.