Get Mommy Some Gin

I sat in the Calgary airport on Saturday for seven hours Awesome. I think sometimes when we fly often, we forget how crummy things can be when they go wrong. I’m here to tell you, it can be really crummy. As i sat down in my original seat, I may have mentioned that I was stuck in between a fat guy and a dog and that the universe would need to make that up to me. Lesson learned: Don’t tell the Universe what to do because it will throw it in your face.

5. I can’t imagine why anyone would work for an airline, especially the customer facing part. People. Are. Rude. I don’t know why people think that yelling at the ticket agent is going to get them anywhere, but I find it completely inappropriate. Where are your manners?! Manners aside, why would anyone yell at the only person that can help them?

4. Time spent in airports/travelling is time spent not being awesome.

3. I am a professional worrier. I can worry about anything, for an incredibly long period of time. I recognize that worrying gets me nowhere. I’m trying to stop. Instead of worrying, I just get up and do something. I don’t plan, I don’t make a list, I just do. So far, this means I’m productive in strange ways. I kind of hope this keeps up. You might all get hand-knit scarves for Christmas.

2. I am not a good reader of fiction. Nor am I a good watcher of tv shows. I read a good deal when I was younger. Now, I crave that feeling of not being able to put a book down as I have no idea what will happen. Instead, I find I can usually skip large chunks because I know exactly how it will go. I hate that. If you have an amazing page-turner that you think will keep me up all night, please let me know. I’ve never really watched tv. I don’t know why. I feel like I should be really good at it, but I always either can’t sit still or fall asleep. There’s no happy medium.

1. I miss making Top 5 lists and song lyrics o’ the day. Refer to #3. Expect more Top 5 lists and song lyrics o’ the day.

Today is my mother’s birthday. I sang happy birthday into her voicemail and secretly prayed nobody would buy her Groupon’s deal of the day (6 weeks of pole dancing) as a gift. She’s 62, knows the Internet better than I do, loves to give out hugs and baked goods, has the legs of a 21 year old, has incredibly wise advice if you ask for it and is always proud of me. So yeah, pretty much the best mother in the world.

5. The back-to-school uniform for college girls: Fake tan, old school athletic shorts, college t-shirt, hair band holding back messy-haired pony-tail. There is zero deviation from this ensemble. What ever happened to dressing to impress?

4. If some one offers you a “Sparks” don’t drink it. It’s a Red Bull-like malt beverage and tastes even less appealing than you’d think.

3. When you are a consultant, half of your time is spent helping other people, for free. This is fine, but choose who you help wisely.

2. OMG tornado warning! It seems odd to me that growing up in Canada I was sheltered from severe weather warnings, but I’ve never been close to a tornado. Dr Cuddles was at the hospital and suggested I go hang out in the serial killer basement (alone) for an undefined period of time. While I appreciate that he just wants to keep me safe, the chances of that happening are about the same as me getting a unicorn for Christmas. Note: my first tornado warning was largely underwhelming.

1. Here is my best social media talk in less than 50 words: To build an online community, you need an exhausted-by-the-end-of-the-day amount of effort along with at least two of the following in large quantities: time, innovation, cash. Preferably, you’ll have all three. If you think there is any type of magic involved, you will fail. 

Oh my goodness, what a day this has been! I’m very happy/proud to say that a talk from TEDxYYC was the talk of the day on TED.com – Ben Cameron, from the Doris Duke Foundation talking about how arts currently faces a crisis of relevancy. I’m biased, but if you haven’t already, I think you should watch it right now. Other than that, here’s this week in a nutshell:

5. I realize that on the Internet, if you look closely enough, everyone is crazy. I’m sincerely hoping this isn’t a reflection of society’s overall sanity, but rather just reinforces the idea that everyone has moments.  

4. It turns out, I am really good at Scrabble. I thought I was, but then Dr Cuddles beat me…for approximately an entire year. I’ve got my game back. Hell yes I’ve got my game back.

3. I watched Kick Ass. That wasn’t what I expected. I expected something between Juno and SuperBad, only with costumes. Holy bloody violence Batman. Also, Nicolas Cage is possibly the worst actor I’ve ever seen. I don’t understand how he can be a part of La Famiglia Coppola. 

2. The people of Columbus are crazy about football. College football, to be exact. It’s weird, yet cool at the same time. It’s like the entire city goes into drink-together-eat-chocolatey-peanut-buttery-thingies-together mode. You can’t complain. 

1. Today, I woke up to a gazillion emails all being super helpful and lovely. Holy does this reinforce that I love what I do. Also, the TED.com thing happened, I booked a flight home for one of my best friend’s birthday, my oldest and dearest friend posted pictures of her beautiful new baby boy, Dr Cuddles made me an americano and gluten free cornmeal muffins for breakfast and then tolerated looking at dresses with me. He’s in the kitchen right now making ceviche and homemade tortilllas with no shirt on. I win at life. 

Where in the world is Sarah Blue? Yeah, usually in airports, if this week is any indication. Phoenix, Chicago, Ottawa, Kingston, Toronto, Calgary, Toronto, Columbus this week. I’m over the Foursquare Jet Setter badge and am wondering if there’s a might-be-homeless-and-just-lives-in-airports badge. Let me know if this already exists. Here’s what’s the haps over the past week (it’s a little airport focused):

5. I am clearly a sucker for punishment. I know United is horrible and yet, I keep flying with them. Seriously, I no longer blame United, I blame me. I should know better.

4. $20 is too much to pay for a crappy burger. Especially when you don’t even eat the bun. Food should never be expensive and disgusting, yet airport food is always both. Airplane food? Fine, I’ll eat whatever, I still think it’s a miracle we’ve figured out how to fly, let alone being able to serve hot food up there. I do not feel this way about airports. There’s a huge opportunity there for delicious food. Someone needs to make this happen. The tired and hungry masses will thank you.

3. The only language I type in is Internet speak.

2. I worry that I shove so much into my carry-on suitcase that one day I will be rolling it through the airport and it will pop open like a jack-in-the-box. I have visions of my undergarments all over the airport. I always chuckle a little when I get the “can we look through your suitcase” at security. It’s a skill-test. If you cannot zip this suitcase back up, you are not smart enough to be working security.

1. Italian family weddings are good for the self-esteem. Everyone is happy, everyone tells you how pretty you are and everyone wants to feed you. Does life get any better? No. The second part of this is that there is nothing more important than family. Now, I might be lucky because I come from a really big family with people doing all kinds of amazing things. However, if you don’t think family is important, I really think you’re doing it wrong.

Well, this wraps up my tour de Phoenix (that’s French for tour of Phoenix). I’m off bright and early tomorrow to go to my cousins wedding! I’m the co-emcee with my brother. I hope there’s plenty of opportunity for stories, because I’ve been banking adorable stories on her for years. Anyway, this week

5. I really looking forward to cooking at home again. Living in a tiny hotel room for a month wasn’t bad, but limiting as far as cooking food is concerned. Million dollar idea: A restaurant that works more like my mom’s kitchen. So you could go in and just be like, “Hey, I really just feel like a bowl of cereal for dinner tonight.” Do these exist? I’d be all over that.

4. Not understanding Fahrenheit means not really knowing what the weather is outside. Really, I have no idea. My new version of knowing the weather is “it’s hot” “it’s really hot” and “it’s hot but a little windy, so not bad” Temperatures are so last year.

3. Every once and a while, we all need to be a little sappy. For me, that’s right now. Ingredients for a perfect day: sleep in, phenomenal espresso, a drive through the beautiful red rocks of Sedona, a splash down some natural (for real!) waterslides at Slide Rock National Park, some shopping in Flagstaff, fish tacos, earl grey truffles and a black jelly bean for dinner. Yep, I’ll remember that one for a while.

2. It is amazing how quickly you can get drunk if you haven’t really been drinking for a while.

1. Phoenix is apparently a test market for the Trenta. That’s 30 ounces of some type of coffee from Starbucks. I’m guessing it needs to be about 8 shots of espresso in one drink. I have one question for Starbucks: Why?

While @louderthan10 seems to disagree with my feelings of Phoenix-is-so-rad, I continue to find this place…rad. I’ve been here before and felt the same way he did. Last time, I spent a considerable amount of time in Scottsdale, this time? I haven’t even been close. I now fully equate Scottsdale with plastic – people, money, lawns…someone let me know if I’m wrong. Anyway, here’s what’s up this week:

5. There are almost no surprises with the weather here in Phoenix. I’ve almost accepted that I don’t need to tote a cardy around with me all the time. I say almost because I still carry a cardy as the grocery stores here are so over-air conditioned, you basically need a parka if you are inside for more than two minutes. Also, I experienced my first dust storm! It was mostly underwhelming, but the change in pressure was so drastic that I was sitting inside and the bottle of water I had on the counter collapsed. Crazy!

4. When the sun goes down, the crickets come out. They are everywhere! I’m confused how people go about their evenings so casually with all of the crickets around (I sit there with my legs sticking straight out so my feet don’t touch the ground). I don’t really know if they are even crickets, I’m not sure what else they could be. The first evening out here, I worried we’d encountered the first sign of the apocalypse. Apparently, I have the bug tolerance of a seven-year-old girl.

3. Americans love cheap food. Seriously, if you tell someone you are new in town, they will tell you all about where you can get incredibly underpriced food every night of the week. If you are a restaurant and aren’t serving up some type of $1 meal one evening a week, you are missing out one heck of a huge word-of-mouth opportunity.

2. Going up Camelback mountain, mid-August, midday is not a good idea for Canadians. I completely underestimated Camelback and took being-a-big-baby to an epic level. Dr Cuddles decided to do pushups every time I stopped to either have a mild freak out about the height (things look easy to fall off of when there’s no trees anywhere) or to complain about the heat. Two lessons learned: If I ever get lost in the desert, I will be vulture-dinner.  When you go up a mountain in the desert, there is no mountain lake to jump in at the top. (1. Dr Cuddles made me crop his nipple out of the photo, which I think is kind of a bummer. 2. This is the only photo where you can’t see the fear written all over my face.)

1. If you are homeless in Phoenix and get too hot, consider riding the Metro Light Rail system all day. Everyone else is doing it, usually while drunk. I suppose it is a sad commentary on our times, but I can’t help but laugh at how entertaining the drunk crazies on the train are. They say some pretty awesome stuff.

If you’re anything like me, when you think of Phoenix, you think of old people. Fair enough, my parents like visiting here as well. However, I’m here to dispel that myth and tell you that from what I can tell, Phoenix is pretty gosh darn lovely. Full stop. 

5. Phoenix is a hot minx in cougar’s clothing. I think the people that live here want everyone else to think it’s only old people and plastic blonds to discourage everyone else from also living here (scary Arizona immigration laws aside). Truth is, I haven’t seen much of either. Maybe it’s the area we are staying, but most people here seem to be well adjusted, young business professionals. 

4. There are so many great little restaurants, coffee shops and lounges here. The supply of coffee shop offices is seemingly endless and all of them come with a unique flavour. Most of these places have outdoor patios, which is great because while Phoenix is hot, IT’S A DRY HEAT so it’s totally bearable. If you are used to the frigid temperatures of Canada, most patios here have misters. Great for cooling off, bad for curly hair. It’s basically one giant frizz-o-fyer. I recommend a good anti-humectant. 

3. I may need to start dressing like a grown up. 

2. Everyone here is happy. For real. People say hello to each other and generally walk around with smiles on their faces. In discussing this at lunch, Brandon Franklin* said that it’s hard to be glum when the sun is shining. I believe it. If you want moody angst, go somewhere it rains all the time. This place is not for you.  Speaking of sun, it’s practically impossible to not be athletic here. How can you not want to get out and do stuff when the sky is so blue? it’s pretty inspiring. If I start walking around spouting hippy-I-love-the-planet bull, someone slap me. 

1. I am a master of public transportation. Ok, this is a slight exaggeration. Google Latitude is a master of public transportation and I am a master of Google Latitude. However, I’m pretty proud of myself for being able to get all over without too much trouble. Of course, when you don’t need to be anywhere at a scheduled time, public transportation is a lot less annoying. Whatever. I’m doing it. I’m getting from one place to another. Very economically. Probably pretty environmentally friendly too. Mother Nature, you’re welcome. 

*note: I met Sean Tierney and Brandon Franklin, two old school Cambrian House community members, for lunch the other day. I now hold the honour of being the online friend that Brandon knew for the longest time before meeting in person.