I am willing to suspend almost everything I believe in to be entertained by a good spy movie. However, there are a couple of things I refuse to get behind. 

5. Parking tickets. I can’t even look at a parking spot without getting a ticket. I don’t believe that spies A) never have to grab a ticket off their windshield before chasing after someone and B) never have their car towed. Do you know how fast a tow truck can be when you’ve parked illegally?

4. No matter how fast the mode of transportation, the good guy always catches up on foot. Whether it is a car starting, a boat setting sail or an airplane taking off, if it is full of bad guys, spies can outrun it, guaranteed.

3. Which brings me to the next point, every spy movie has a false sense of urgency. Why *do* you need to hide in the wheels of a plane? Can’t you just grab another plane and catch them when they land?

2. Wardrobe. Always appropriately attired without taking so much as a duffel bag with you? Highly improbable. 

1. James Bond clearly does not practice safe sex. I understand he puts his life on the line pretty much every day. This is no excuse for getting/giving VD. Seriously. 


note: I carry my James Bond secret agent card with me everywhere I go

My Secret Agent card